6 ideas for a great marriage

God created three institutions:

  1. Family
  2. Church
  3. Government

We can’t expect to get government right if we don’t get church right and we can’t get church right if we don’t get family right.

Bottom line, to see health and wellness (spiritual, financial, relational, racial, etc.) in our world we must start in our homes.

The best gift we can give to our world is a healthy home (I mean healthy in every aspect of the word).

Here are six ideas for husbands. Six ideas that will make your marriage/family better and have a positive ripple effect:

#1 Date your wife every week.

Just do it. Turn off the TV, say “no” to your buddies, find a babysitter and date that lady! Date her just like you did BEFORE you married her!

#2 Kids in bed by 8 p.m.

Your wife needs you WITHOUT the kids! Kids up after 8 is kids up to late! This is not so much about the kids as it is about you and her! Help her get those kids in bed so you two can make out… or make up… or just enjoy each other as you clean the house.

#3 Teamwork

Teammates don’t go “tit-for-tat”; they work together to win the game! They do what needs to be done. Husband, look around what needs to be done that you can do now… even if she normally does it? Can you run the vacuum? Brush the kids teeth? Fill the dog dish? See what you can do and do it… you’ll be surprised at what happens!

#4 Open the door for her

This is about being a gentleman. When Sherri and I were newlyweds I opened the car door for her (I still do). One time a “friend” said, “Ha! You’ll not be doing that a few years from now.” I wanted to say, “Dude, just because you’re marriage sucks doesn’t mean mine will.” Men, be a gentleman. Treat your wife with honor and respect. Speak well of her and give her the honor a lady deserves. Be a gentleman.

#5 Do Domestic Detail

This is a manly way to say “help around the house.” You can do laundry or dishes without having to check in your “Man Card.” Help your bride around the house. I do all the laundry and clean up everything after supper (in addition to being a teammate and doing other “domestic details” that need attending). Men, a great way to show your wife you love her (in addition to the constant groping and grunting) is to help her.

#6 Do things the way she would do them

Sherri is meticulous. I’m not. She folds her dirty clothes before she puts them in the hamper. I’m lucky if mine hit the hamper. I used to criticize this. Now I realize that it doesn’t take long to do things her way and it makes me a better man in addition to making our home a better place! She has a certain way she likes her dishes put away. I used to fight it. Now I do it her way. The result = the kitchen looks great and my bride thinks I’m sexy (I have no clue how sexy and dishes go together but they do). I’ve just realized that on most things it’s not worth having a conversation about. Just do it her way when you’re helping her!

So there you go. Six ideas that you can start doing immediately that will create a better marriage and contribute to a better world.

Donald Trump, Robert Kiyosaki and Dave Ramsey

I’ve read Dave Ramsey. Many of us have. His book Total Money Makeover provided a turning point for the way I think about money.

He has outlined a financial paradigm that I’ve bought into:

$1,000 to start an Emergency Fund
Pay off all debt using the Debt Snowball
3 to 6 months of expenses in savings
Invest 15% of household income into Roth IRAs and pre-tax retirement
College funding for children
Pay off home early
Build wealth and give!
Invest in mutual funds and real estate

Now I’m reading a book by Donald Trump and Robert Kiyosaki, Why We Want You To Be Rich.

It’s interesting to see how these experts differ, particularly with regards to debt and investing. While I’m not going to elaborate on their differences in this post, I did talk to a friend of mine the other day who happens to be a Financial Planner. I asked him about debt. He said that there are two kinds of debt:

  1. Good debt = low interest rates and tax deductible
  2. Bad debt = high interest rates and non-deductible

In other words, not all debt is bad debt. This is where Trump and Kiyosaki would land.

The question you and I have to ask ourselves is, “Is my debt bad?”

What resources have you found helpful as you develop your financial acumen?

If you’re new to this blog…

If you are a new reader of this blog let me say, “Thank you for swinging by!”

A few things you should know about this blog and me:

  • Jesus is my Leader.
  • Sherri is my wife.
  • We have five daughters.
  • I am a pastor.
  • I love UFC, politics, reading, and spending time with all of my ladies!
  • If you’re interested in traveling with me, let me make it easier for you:

    So why am I inviting you to this journey? Because I believe that life is a journey. I am a pastor and I’m traveling out loud and want to invite you to travel with me. By following me on Twitter, interacting with me through this blog and on Facebook you can see how a pastor lives. It’s not always pretty and it’s not always ugly. It’s just the real life of a man who’s seeking God and leading others to do the same thing.

    Ashton

    Snapped this close up of Princess Ashton this morning…

    ashton up close

    I can’t think of a better wake-up call!

    A mother’s love

    Last night on our date there was a special moment between Sherri and Karis.

    I caught it on my phone to share it with you, and to keep it forever.

    karis and sherri on our date

    Now read these words, “I will comfort you there as a child is comforted by its mother.” God (Isaiah 66:13).

    Be aware today that your Heavenly Father is looking at you with love.

    Little acts of love

    Last night our family took a friend of ours to Cracker Barrel for his 30th birthday. Our friend is from Honduras and speaks broken English (though he’s getting better all the time). My Spanish is limited to what I’ve picked up by watching Dora the Explorer with “The Ladies”. We have a good time together. I probably amuse him with my lame attempts to speak Spanish. I’m such a gringo.

    While we were ordering, I slipped our waitress a slip of paper that said, “My friend had a birthday. Let’s go crazy!” They did! After dinner they brought him some peach cobbler and sang a rousing and VERY loud “Happy Birthday!”

    I watched my friend. His eyes were wide with multiple emotions ranging from fear to amazement. When they were done and left he looked down at his cobbler for a long time. I saw him biting his lip. I was biting mine too. So was Sherri.

    We sat with tears in our eyes. Silent. Hesitant to talk for fear we start bawling.

    After a few minutes my friend looked at me and said, “No one has ever sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to me.” He went on to say that this year even some of his closest family has not called and wished him a “Happy Birthday.” He said, “I will remember this day for 50 or 60 years.”

    I have thought much about this experience. What is it about a little thing (an evening, a dinner, a song) that can make adults cry and create a memory that will never be forgotten?

    Here’s what I’m thinking, we know we are to love one another. Often we look for the BIG ways to show our love, and because we can’t find or afford the BIG ways we put our love on hold. We live with the knowledge that we should… but we don’t. Consequently we live unfulfilled Christian lives.

    MAYBE we should stop waiting for the BIG and start doing the little, and in doing so we may just find that LITTLE is big.

    What LITTLE thing can you do for someone today to show them you love them?

    Remember this, what may seem “little” to you may be HUGE to someone else! Go for it!

    A note to the people who call me “Pastor”

    People often wonder about the man (or woman) who provides spiritual leadership.  They have questions. Some are just normal “Who are you?” kinds of questions, others are “Can I trust you?” kinds of questions.

    I am writing this blog for the people who call me “Pastor” in an effort to answer some of those questions.

    Two disclaimers:

    1. I, like you, am on a journey and reserve the right to evolve in my opinions and beliefs.
    2. While I’m not who I want to be, because of Jesus I’m a whole lot better than I used to be.

    And now some things about the man you call “Pastor”:

    • Sherri and I take a four hour date every Thursday night.
    • Every Friday afternoon I take two of my girls on a date (one at a time). The next Friday I take the other two out on a date. In other words, I date each daughter, alone, twice a month.
    • Friday nights are “Family Night” for our family.
    • Saturdays are my day off. We sleep in, do bills, play, watch movies, mow the lawn, and run errands.
    • I like to get up early in the morning (5 a.m.) and go to bed early at night (9 p.m. would be awesome but usually it’s closer to 11 p.m.)
    • I love being a pastor. This is the third church in which I’ve been “Pastor.”
    • Reading anything about Ronald Reagan, early in the morning with a big cup of coffee is my idea of a good start.
    • I have read the Bible through multiple times in multiple versions and typically strive to read it entirely once per year.
    • My biggest point of learning right now is coming from the wisdom of older men. I am grateful for the older men God has placed in my life.
    • My struggles have changed from anger and impatience to less anger and impatience.
    • I like UFC and someday will fight in one mixed martial arts competition. That’s it. Just one.
    • Sherri’s and my definition of success: for our children to grow up to love God and the church; to be a woman like their mom and marry a man like the man their dad is striving to become.

    And so that’s some of the inside stuff about the man you call “Pastor.”

    The little things

    Recently I picked up a copy of Poor Richard’s Almanac. It is a categorized collection of Benjamin Franklin’s wit and wisdom (read more about the history of the Almanac here).

    Franklin writes, “Beware of little expenses: a small leak will sink a great ship.”

    I started thinking about little expenses and quickly realized that this is a transferable principle! It has multiple applications!

    Financially, stop drinking coffee and see how it impacts your budget!

    Spiritually, carve out minutes a day to meditate on a Scripture and see how it impacts your life!

    Relationally, date your spouse every week and see how it impacts your marriage!

    Chores around the house, do one small thing a day and see how quickly that “to-do” list shrinks!

    The little things are a big deal!

    One more word on this matter from Franklin:

    “For the want of a nail the shoe is lost; for the want of a shoe the horse is lost; for the want of a horse the rider is lost.”

    What would have happened if the rider had paid attention to the nail in the shoe?

    Baby Karis

    She’s four weeks in two days!

    karis

    BIG Announcement

    Our church is re-launching.

    How do you “Re-launch”? It’s simply starting again. A grand re-opening.

    We have simply said, “We have a core of people and a chunk of change. What do we need to do to be a church that helps people discover Jesus?”

    We have identified six steps in the re-launch process:

    1. Recruit strategic leaders
    2. Build the team (a passionate, committed core of people who will pray harder, give more, and work longer than the “average” church-goer because they believe in the vision)
    3. Create the culture
    4. Create and implement systems
    5. Market
    6. Launch

    Yesterday we took a big step closer to re-launch.

    We invited Alex Miranda to join our team as our Family Ministries Leader. He and his family have agreed to join the team.

    Alex has served on staff at Central Christian Church in Las Vegas as well as a church plant in Las Vegas.

    He brings passion, vision, and experience to our ministry team.

    I am looking forward to working with Alex and seeing how God will use him and our team to help people discover the life Jesus promised!