Monthly Archives: October 2007

Dealing with anger

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One sin that I struggle with in my life is anger. I just get ticked too quick. I don’t like it.

It ticks me off that I struggle with anger. They say humor helps therefore the jest! ;-)

I have put some verses together and some reflection questions for myself. Maybe this will help you if you struggle with anger.

  • Proverbs 29:11 – “The fool blurts out every angry feeling, but the wise subdues and restrains them.”
  • What am I doing with my anger? What does it say about who I am? Am I a fool or a wise man?
  • Jeremiah 30:24 – “The fierce anger of the Lord will not turn back until He fully accomplishes the purposes of His heart.”
  • What is the purpose of my anger? If I get my way in my anger, will God be honored? Will others be better? Will I be shown to be a fool or a wise man?
  • Psalm 4:4 – “In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.”
  • How quickly do I act when I’m angry? Are my actions thoughtful?
  • Ephesians 4:31-32 – “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander; along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
  • When I’m “poked” what comes out? Compassion or anger? Forgiveness or rage?
  • Colossians 3:8 – “You must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language that comes out of your lips.”
  • Is there unhealthy anger in my life that is causing me to say and do hurtful things to other people?
  • 1 Timothy 2:8 – “I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer, without anger or disputing.”
  • Can I lift my hands in worship without anger or conflict in my life?
  • James 1:20 – “Man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
  • If I had my way while I was angry, would I have to apologize?

Hope this helps someone!

How do you address the sin in your life? (and if you say you don’t have any, then I’m interested in how you address the issue of lying.)

The other side of the pulpit… life as a pastor

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Perry has a terrific post called “The Pastor’s Pain” in which he gives the inside scoop on what it’s like to be a pastor.

He talks about the “three pains” of a pastor:

1) The pain from loneliness

2) The pain from criticism

3) The pain from unrealistic expectations

Please read this!

Read it and then go love on your pastor!

Click here to read the article.

Character traits I want for my children

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Sherri and I talk frequently about what we want our girls to “be”. We don’t care so much about what they “do” as we care about”who they are.” (click here to read “Four things I want for my children.”)

We talk about the various character traits we want to see in “The Ladies” and we talk about how to create healthy character.

I just read some great stuff from Tim Kimmel’s book Raising Kids for True Greatness regarding character traits in children. These are the kind of things I want to see in “The Ladies”:

  • “Other’s-orientation” – Kimmel says, “This is more than just looking outward; it’s the art of making people feel valuable and loved.” Every day when I take Lexington to school I pray with her that “Jesus will use her to bring joy to other’s hearts and put a smile on their face.” I pray that God will use my children to make other people feel valuable and loved.
  • Trustworthiness - Oh God, I want my girls to be dependable! I want them to have the strength of character that will lead others to say, “When times are tough… you can count on the Peterson girls to be there!” God, help me to train my girls to be worthy of people’s trust; to keep their commitments; and to model integrity for their friends, etc.
  • Tenacity - An unwavering commitment to finishing what they start… perseverance… strength… determination…
  • Courage - “This is hard to do if you are preoccupied with raising safe kids. [...] The job of parents is not to raise safe kids but to raise strong ones. Helping them learn to calculate risk and step out in faith should be center stage in your parenting curriculum.”
  • Compassion - “Great people want to lighten people’s burdens and dispense hope to everyone they can. From simple encouragement to harder things that actually cost them something, people who glorify God go out of their way to make life better for the people God puts in their path.”

These are characteristics I want to see in my children.

Kimmel says if you want to see these characteristics in your children you must:

  • Model them. Show your children what courage, tenacity, compassion, etc. look like! They will do what they see so let them see these characteristics in your life!
  • Encourage your children. It’s easy to fall into the rut of scolding what we don’t like. What would happen if we became “Encouragement machines”?

Kimmel wraps up with some great counsel for life in general and parents in particular,

“God did a great forgiveness for you. He did a great transformation in you. And He wants to do a great work through you. Let Him do it. Give Him your attitude, and let Him squeeze out all the self, confusion, second-guessing, and fear… just let Him wring it out of you. In its place, let the attitude of a great parent shine in everything you do.

Love big!

Work hard!

Forgive gladly!

Repent quickly!

Encourage graciously!

Speak humbly!

Play enthusiastically!

Think abundantly!

And… never stop dancing!

Attractional or missional?

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There is too much discussion these days about how the church should “relate to the culture it is trying to influence.” With that said, I’m going to throw in my two-cents… well, not really mine but at least a “few cents” that makes sense to me!

Rick Warren, in his book The Purpose Driven Church, gives some much needed perspective.

He writes, “Some church leaders deny that attraction [i.e. "Come and see what's going on in this building"] is a legitimate method of evangelism. I’ve heard preachers say, ‘The Bible does not tell the world to come to the church. It tells the church to go to the world.’ This is an inaccurate statement because it is only half true.”

“Of course the Bible commands Christians to ‘go and tell.’ That’s what the Great Commission is all about! Christians are not to wait for the world to come and ask us about Christ. We are to take the initiative in sharing the Good News. To believers, Jesus says, ‘Go!’”

“But to the lost world, Jesus say, ‘Come!’ [...] In Matthew 11:28 Jesus said to seekers, ‘Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.’ And on the last day of the great feast, ‘Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink’ (John 7:37).

“Both ‘Go and tell’ and ‘Come and see’ are found in the New Testament.”

“We do not need to choose between ‘go’ and ‘come’; both are valid forms of evangelism. Some people will be reached by attraction, while others will be reached by confrontation. A balanced healthy church should provide opportunities and programs for both. At Saddleback [Rick Warren's church] we use both approaches. We say, ‘Come and see!’ to our community, but to our core we say, ‘Go and tell!’”

[Paul speaking here] It’s time to stop arguing about “How”, and start getting about the task of connecting people to God through a relationship with Jesus.

Good grief! Do you realize how much time, energy, personnel, etc. is consumed by this argument alone? (click here to see the results from a Google search on “missional vs. attractional”)

Here’s my commitment…

As we launch this new church in Cincinnati, we will do whatever it takes to connect people to God through a relationship with Jesus. We will do whatever it takes without violating Scripture. We will do whatever it takes!

Andy Stanley has said, “For what’s at stake, do whatever it takes.” If we really believe that people’s destinies are at stake then for God’s sake… let’s stop whining, fussing, and fighting about whether the church should be saying “Come and see” or “Go and tell”.

Let’s create environments that people will want to “come and see” and let’s pray until we’re so fired up that we have to “go and tell” or we’ll explode!

Rant done.

I know where we’re planting

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Cincinnati, Ohio – specifically an area northeast of Cincinnati… Warren county.

Here’s how it all came about…

Pre-move to Georgia

  • I sent out an e-mail to ten church planters asking them how they knew when it was time to plant and how they knew where to go. I talked with many of them and received wise counsel.
  • Gary told me that he had written down ten cities, prayed over all of them, and visited seven of them.
  • I came up with three: Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, and somewhere in North Carolina. My pick was North Carolina… I love the sun, the sweet tea, and the low taxes!
  • I Read Bob’s blog (click here to read it) and a holy discontent began stirring with regards to location.

After moving to Georgia (August – September)

  • I did a tremendous amount of research on Wake County North Carolina, but never felt it “click”.

9/19/07

  • Had a conversation with Shawn about possible areas (Cincinnati, Wake County North Carolina). He talked to me about the value of being “first on the beach”. In other words, if possible, go to an area where what you’re doing will be unique. That resonated with me.

9/25/07

  • One of my teammates (i.e. a person I’m going to plant this church with) asked me a question, (the following is a “cut and paste” from the e-mail sent to me) “Who do feel called to reach? I know the unchurched, unsaved, whatever you want to call, but any sense of what type of people? Who do you see this church connecting with? I guess am just realizing where I keep feeling pulled to…just wondering your thoughts and where you’re feeling a call…” I thought about this and called this individual back… “I most clearly identify with people who have lost hope, who are broken, discouraged, and empty. And then, by virtue of my own stage of life, I identify with and feel a strong pull towards young families.”
  • I called my buddy, Dan (who lives in Cincinnati), and shared with him what I was beginning to feel… a stronger pull to the Cincinnati area. I asked if what we’re considering doing was happening as much in the Ohio area as it is in the south. He said, “No.” (I was standing in the ninety-degree sun while having this conversation… and I had goosebumps.)
  • I sat down and began researching the Cincinnati area. As I read through the demographics, it occurred to me… “I fit here.” I realized that “I fit here better than in NC. I fit here socially, economically, age-wise, etc.”
  • I shared with Shawn that I was really feeling a pull to Cincinnati. He pumped his hand in the air and said, “YES! Man, you fit there!” Dang…
  • I came home and shared with Sherri what I was thinking. She COMPLETELY agreed! See, when we were first married… we lived in Cincinnati… and loved it. In fact, we can both recall saying, “It wouldn’t surprise us if someday we come back here and do ministry.” We know people there, we love the area, our favorite restaurant in the world is there, some of our best friends live there, and the list goes on. As we stood in the kitchen we both felt the peace of God settle in on our hearts and we knew… we knew that we are going to live and start a church in the Cincinnati, Ohio area.
  • I called my buddy Dan and told him what we were thinking. We both cried… yes a fireman and a preacher cried. See, a few years ago Dan and I planned and were working towards doing ministry together, but it fell through right before it happened. Dan and I both struggled with disappointment and wondered why God would let something that seemed so right fall apart. Now, eight years later… we know. As we talked, again, it seemed that the Spirit of God was stirring in both of our hearts and we confirmed, together, the “rightness” of this call to Cincinnati.
  • I was scheduled to go to Holly Springs, North Carolina, get a hotel, and spend a night and a day in the area just praying and listening to God. I was asking Him, “Is this the area.” Even after all of the above mentioned experiences, I was still going to go and check it out. But then I decided… I told Sherri, “Interest in any other place has died. I know where we’re supposed to be. I’m going to Cincinnati to walk, pray, and listen to God. Hearing Him in Cincinnati will be the final confirmation.”
  • I called the two people I’m going to be planting this church with to tell them. One of them said, “I’ve not been convinced that NC was the place. I’ve been checking out some other areas in the Kentucky, Tennessee, West Virginia area… Cincinnati ‘clicks’ with me” (In case you didn’t make the connection, click on this link to view a map and see where Cincinnati is in regards to Kentucky, Tennessee). The other one said, “You’re not going to believe this… I’ve got a map of Ohio on my desk right now! You told me to study and pray over North Carolina, and I was, but I also picked up a map of Ohio and I’ve been praying over that too! And oh, by the way, my spouse’s best friend lives in Cincinnati!”
  • Sherri and I laid in bed that night and celebrated the clarity and confidence that we feel in this decision.

9/26/07

  • The next morning I got up and the first e-mail in my inbox was a note from a pastor… the lead pastor of a large, exciting, growing church! He has recently resigned from his church and felt that perhaps I would be a possible replacement. Dang… I am honored beyond belief, but not moved from my conviction that God has called us to start a new church… a church in the Cincinnati area.

Since then…

  • I made the trip to Cincinnati and spent a lot of time in Warren County. I drove around, talked to people, did demographic research, ate in various restaurants, walked in the park, researched the local churches, and listened for the quiet whispercincinnati-lake.jpg of God.
  • As I sat at this park asking God “Is this the place?” I knew that indeed it was. We are ready to plant and live the rest of our lives in the Cincinnati area.
  • Since that point I have talked with various networks who are looking to support church planting in the Cincinnati area. I have talked with church planters and church planting experts who say that there is a need in the Cincinnati area for church plants. It seems as if all the post-decision information is confirming the decision that God led us to.

So there it is… we are planting in the Cincinnati, OH area.

Thank you to all of you who are praying and supporting us in this amazing venture! Now the journey really begins!

Love your pastor

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Perry has a post that gives a behind the scenes look at being a pastor.

Read it here.

Please, if you read this blog and know a pastor… bless him/her THIS WEEK!

Three ways to bless your pastor:

  1. Send him a card or an e-mail telling him/her a specific “thing” you appreciate about him/her.
  2. Ask how you can serve in the church.
  3. Defend him/her when you hear someone criticizing him/her.

Darlene has a cool twist on “Pastor appreciation” (read it here)

Church Systems

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I’ve been studying and thinking about systems a lot lately.

One of the things that I’m realizing is that if the right systems are not in place, particularly within the church, no matter how much you wish, how hard you work, or how long you pray… you will not be as effective as you or your organization can be.

A few thoughts with regards to systems:

  • Most pastors can “handle” and some can even grow a church based on the strength of their personality. At some point however their personality becomes an obstacle to the growth and effectiveness of the organization. If you don’t have the right systems in place your church will never grow bigger than you… and that’ll be a shame!
  • Most pastors are not systems thinkers and find the process of thinking through systems to be painful, consequently they don’t think through them.
  • Systems, mission, vision, values, etc. what is all this organizational mumbo-jumbo?
  • Mission = why we are here.
  • Vision = what we’re going to do.
  • System = how we’re going to do it.
  • Core values = what we’ll never change while we are changing.

The more I talk with pastors, church planters, and leaders the more I am realizing the incredible value of pro-active systems.

I’m going to be thinking through the “systems thing” on this blog. I’d love for you to join the conversation so that I’m not just talking to myself because that’s just weird! ;-)

Catalytic Quotes: Part 7 (Andy Stanley)

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Andy Stanley was, in my opinion, the best presenter of the entire Catalyst conference.

His teaching on systems was great. The title of his session was “Liberating Your Organization: Creating a Leadership-Friendly Culture.”

A few “quotables” and then I’ll give the main points of his teaching:

  • “God created and runs the universe through systems.”
  • “If you don’t approach problems systematically, you’ll blame people for problems that systems create.”
  • “80% of your problems are not people problems; they are systems problems, because systems create behaviors.”
  • “The mission statement is hanging on the wall. The systems are happening down the hall.”
  • “Churches that are led by ‘we’ typically end up with dysfunctional systems.”
  • “Part of the hard work of diligent leadership is systems analysis.”
  • “Vision needs systems.”

Some teaching points of Andy’s session:

  • Systems are your organization’s approach to getting things done. (In other words, systems answer the question, “How do we get this done?”)
  • Systems create behaviors. Andy said, “Talks don’t create behaviors. Cool environments don’t create behaviors. Systems create behaviors.”
  • “The systems you inherit, adopt, or create will eventually impact what staff and volunteers do.”
  • Five components of a system:
  • Expectations (rules) – what do we expect our people to do? How do we expect them to act?
  • Rewards (or lack of) – how do we intentionally affirm behaviors that are aligned with our expectations?
  • Consequences (or lack of) – what happens when people fail to meet the organizational expectations or the expectations of their particular role?
  • Communication (content and style) – how do we communicate our expectations, the purpose for those expectations (i.e. our mission and vision), and the rewards/consequences? Who knows what, when, and how and what behaviors are expected as a result of knowing?
  • Behaviors (of those in charge) – are the leaders modeling the organizational values? Are their behaviors consistent with the organizational expectations?
  • “If a leader casts a new vision and never addresses old systems, nothing changes.”
  • Four system imperatives:
  • Your system should allow you to involve and hire the best person for the job.
  • You system should allow you to get the right people to the table.
  • Your system should allow you to make complex decisions within the context of a small group of empowered people.
  • Your system should ensure that only one person answers to “They.” (That person should, in most cases, be the top leader.)

I’ve been talking with a lot of pastors/leaders  lately about the place and value of systems. I’ll post what I’m learning later, but for now I’ll say that Andy’s talk is confirming a lot of good and right principles relative to systems… particularly within the church.

(Check out Tim Steven’s summary of Andy’s talk)

(Check out Rindy’s take on systems)