Monthly Archives: May 2008

Raising kids

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There is no greater responsibility in this life than shaping a person. If you are a parent you have this responsibility

Sherri and I have been praying, thinking, and talking about the characteristics we want our children to possess. We have our list.

While we understand that each child is different and will live out these characteristics with their own style, we still want to train them to live out these character traits:

  1. Courage
  2. Respect
  3. Responsibility
  4. Kindness
  5. Optimism
  6. Encourager
  7. Perseverance
  8. Honesty
  9. Good stewards
  10. Helpful

Four ways we are teaching/instilling these characteristics:

  • Model the way. If our children see Sherri and me living these characteristics, it will be much easier for them to comprehend and embrace them as a way of life. DISCLAIMER: we have not mastered these traits! They are evolving in us just as they are in our children! The point is that we want to model them for “The Ladies” so that they will have a sense of what it looks like to be helpful, optimistic, etc.
  • Encourage their hearts. Every time we see our kids living out one of these characteristics we MUST recognize and affirm them! This simply calls for an awareness on our part as parents. Here’s the kicker… when we get too busy, we run right past our kids living out these characteristics and miss the opportunity to reinforce them!
  • Enable them. We have to give them every opportunity to live out these characteristics. If we want them to be responsible we have to model responsibility, give them responsibility, and encourage and affirm them when they are responsible! Right now Reagan is experimenting with the jungle gym at the park. It provides us with a great opportunity to “enable” courage as she swings and climbs. Someday this won’t work, but for now it provides a way to enable her to be courageous.
  • Share the vision. We have to keep these characteristics in front of our children! A few of the ways that we are doing this include: telling stories that feature these characteristics, modeling the way, using these words (e.g. persevere, respectful, etc.), celebrating when they live out these characteristics, etc. We must keep reminding them of what we want and helping them envision what it looks like to live out these characteristics.

How’s it going?

Well, for starters we realize that the training process never stops; it’s never static! It’s always evolving! In other words, we are always creating new ways to reinforce and teach the same concepts!

Another big issue, particularly for me, is the issue of modeling the way… showing “The Ladies” through my life, what it looks like to be kind, helpful, etc. It keeps me on my toes when I know I’ve got four little girls watching.

I’m working on my storytelling skills. To be frank, my storytelling abilities suck. I’m working on finding and creatively telling good stories that highlight these various characteristics.

I pray to God that someday our girls will grow up and live out these ten characteristics, and I know that the likelihood of this happening is much greater when we have a plan and work the plan.

Imitate to become you

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I hear a lot of talk these days that goes something like this, “Just be who you are.”

I’ll be honest with you, if I stay who I am I’ll never be who I want to be.

The more I read and hear the stories of people, and the more I look at my own life the more I realize that who we are is a consequence of who we model ourselves after.

For instance…

Sam Walton’s retail philosophy was largely shaped by J.C. Penney, his employer for several years as a youth. Penny referred to his employees as “Associates.” Guess how Wal-Mart refers to their employees? Associates. J.C. Penny forbid his employees to date one another… Wal-Mart does too. J.C. Penny found their strength in small towns and smaller cities… Wal-Mart does too. In fact, Vance H. Trimble writes in his biography of Walton that, “[Walton] would borrow John Cash Penny’s whole concept of how to succeed by putting customer satisfaction ahead of profit.” The bottom line is that if Walton had not been exposed to and modeled after J.C. Penny there may never have been a Wal-Mart.

Recently I heard Brian Tome, the pastor of Crossroads Church in Cincinnati, give a fresh spin on this that has really captured my attention. He says that the leadership process unfolds like this:

  • You notice something you like (in Walton’s case it was retail)
  • You copy someone who is doing what you like in a way that you like (in Walton’s case it was J.C. Penny)
  • You start to innovate

In other words, it’s not a bad thing to model your life, leadership approach, business strategy, parenting philosophy, etc. after someone you admire who is doing what you want to do. The great thing is that as you start imitating them you will become comfortable and begin innovating and soon you will have your own style, look, philosophy, strategy, etc.

So what’s the point of this post? The point is this, you are most likely to find your style or your “way of doing things” when you:

  • Imitate someone who is doing what you want to do
  • Innovate along the way making adjustments to reflect your strengths, weaknesses, and ideas
  • Initiate a new way of doing things after a series of trials and errors called innovation

So there it is! Go start your personal evolution by finding someone to imitate!

Ready for battle

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I just finished A Bloody Business. In this book the author discusses the changing face of the military and the role of private contractors in the war on terror.

Colonel Gerald Schumacher, the author, sets up a scene that takes place right before the team sets out on a mission that will likely lead to firefights and bloodshed:

There is no bravado at a moment like this. There is no whining. In fact, there isn’t much discussion at all. What can be planned for has been planned for. What can’t be known will be discovered soon enough. This is the moment of commitment. This is the point of no return. In the history of men and women going into battle, this is the point and time that one comes to know who he or she is and what he or she is made of. This is when cowards quibble and brave men and women just nod and say, “Let’s do it.”

This paragraph moves my heart and stirs my passion. These are the kinds of men and women I want to live my life with. I want to live life with warriors who will courageously step out into the killing zone with the conviction that the mission they are on is worth risking everything for. I want to live life with men and women who prepare diligently so that when “go time” comes, they are ready. I want to live life with men and women who do not whine when called on to perform grueling warfare, but rather step up with determination and vigor to answer the call. I want to live life with men and women who will hold nothing back but risk everything for the sake of the mission.

I want to live with men and women who when the words “Let’s do it” are spoken, pack up and roll out.

Passion without vision

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A thought that is rolling around in my head this morning is,

Passion without clear vision leads to unproductive busyness.

It is possible to have abundant amounts of energy and passion and no clear direction. I think this is probably true of a lot of young leaders.

It’s kind of like driving a four-wheeler as fast as you can through the forest. The wind is whipping through your hair, the speed is exhilarating, the rush of climbing hills, flying past trees, and passing your buddy on his ATV is unbelievable… and yet at the end of the day all you can say is that you went fast on an ATV.

At the end of my life I want to have accomplished more than going fast on an ATV. I want to have accomplished more than just living passionately.

At the end of my life I want to have accomplished something. I want to have achieved the purpose for which I was made, and I’m guessing every person to some degree would hope for this too.

What’s the key? Having a clear vision for your life, church, business, home, etc.

How do you get that clear vision?

Ironically, you get that clear vision as you separate yourself from the busyness that your passion generates.

I am finding that the more I separate myself from busyness and go into quiet isolation with no phone, no computer, and no books, the more I get a clear sense from God regarding what it is I am to do. Having “vision clarity” allows you to channel that passion into meaningful, productive actions that will enable you to someday look back and say, “mission accomplished.”

Clear vision + passionate action = meaningful achievement

Systems: a conversation with some leaders who are doing it

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This morning Jeff and I were able to spend some time with a CEO, a CFO, and a COO discussing systems!

Some key takeaways from this conversation:

  • You have to know what you want to do and then you create systems that enable you to do that.
  • Systems are nothing without leadership. We have to make sure that we are aligning the right people with the right roles within the system.
  • Create, implement, and tweak as you go. These guys are always tweaking and making their systems more efficient.
  • Systems give us handles on the future! As we monitor our systems they give us a sense of the past and the present and from there we can make some projections about the future.
  • Evaluation and communication are two “Must-do’s” within every system! We must continually be evaluating our systems and communicating any changes we make and/or celebrating what is working! Remember this, people will do what we communicate and evaluate.
  • Only tweak a system as much as you can communicate the tweak to the organization. In other words, don’t tweak faster than you can communicate.
  • Measure, measure, measure! But as you are measuring ask yourself, “Why am I measuring what I am measuring?”  Are you measuring the right things? In a church context we might measure things like: baptisms, people in groups, attendance, giving, volunteers. As we measure these things it gives us a sense of how well we are executing our plans to achieve our mission of helping people know Jesus.
  • There are various kinds of systems. Some are static and some are dynamic. Some are pretty rigid (e.g. how the church is led) while some are always being tweaked (e.g. how we assimilate people).

And the learnings continue.

What do you know about systems? Help me!

The five most viewed posts of April

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OK, OK, I know I say it every month, but it really does seem like April went by altogether too quick! (Hey, that might be the first time I’ve ever used the word “altogether” in a sentence!)

So now, in honor of April’s blog posts, I give you the five most viewed posts:

  • Cincinnati trip in pictures – Someday, after Walls Down is up and running, we will look back on these pictures and laugh. It’s all a part of the church planting journey.

Thanks for traveling this journey with us as we live out loud our journey of life, marriage, parenting, learning, and planting a new church.