Tony is a friend of mine and a mentor who I look up to and learn from. Recently he asked me to write an article for pastormojo.com. Today it was published.

I wrote about recovering from a disaster. It might be helpful for you. You can check it out here.

P.S. you can check out more of Tony’s goodness on his blog.

OK seriously… I am thirty six years old.

When I was twenty-five I knew what I wanted to do “for the rest of my life.” I’m not so sure about that anymore.

I don’t know how or where, but somewhere along the way things have gotten blurry. For the last couple of years I have wrestled with this thought:

Most young people are idealists. They come charging into life with intentions and plans to change the world, but somewhere along the journey “reality” sets in. They have a setback or two and before you know it the dreamers wake up, and “settle” for simply showing up and staying out of trouble.

When Idealism meets reality it seems like reality wins more often than not. Dreams get shelved… or worse, forgotten.

“Mature” men snicker and “poo poo” the enthusiasm of youth. They have forgotten what it felt like to dream. They have accepted “reality.”

And yet there is something beautiful about a man (or woman) who has taken a strong dose of “reality” and still continues to press forward with the dream… a person in whom idealism continues to breath!

I have met “reality” and tasted the bitter taste of disappointment and failure. I have felt the tug towards complacency and even been encouraged by some to “slow down.” And yet I live with the sense that these are the danger days… the days in which choices are made that separate dreamers from settlers… risk takers from security seekers. These are the days when I will choose to shelve my passion and hunker down or I will choose to light it up and move forward. I have seen enough middle aged and older people living with regret that I am determined not to be one of their number.

But I am troubled. What used to be so clear is not so clear any longer.

Somewhere along the way I have lost my clarity… my driving purpose… my “hill to die on”… the crusade for which I will give my life.

Now, I know that to write this is risky. It means that the people I pastor may wonder about me. It means that those who look up to me (everyone shorter than 6’1) may not look at me the same any longer. Some may not understand. This note is not for them.

This note is for you… those of you who, like me, still have a passion to change the world, to make an impact… you’re just not sure exactly how YOU are going to do it. This note is for you… for us.

I don’t have an answer… yet. But I know that there is a clear and specific purpose for each person. I have a general sense of purpose… to study, write, teach, and call people to God… but I lack specifics beyond that. I wish I knew what they were.

So, I’ve been reading a book called, Leaders Who Last, by Dave Kraft. In this book he discusses the importance of knowing your purpose… it’s critical for lasting in the leadership arena.

He gives eleven pointers that are well worth my time to follow up on so I thought I’d share them with you too. From Dave Kraft, “here are a few steps that will help you on the road to identifying your purpose”:

1. Record Bible passages God has applied to your life.

2. Reflect on how God has used you in the past.

3. Determine what you are passionate about.

4. List your known gifts and strengths.

5. Delineate what you have excelled at in your work experi­ence.

6. Define what action words best describe what you like to do.

7. Write down what you enjoy doing in your free time.

8. Reread all your answers.

9. Take note of common themes.

10. Write down key words or ideas that repeat.

11. Summarize those key words in a short, energizing state­ment about yourself.

Now I share this, my story and Dave’s tips, for two reasons:

• I want to encourage you! Dave Kraft was thirty-eight when he really began to wrestle this matter to the ground. He went on to figure it out… and write a book about it! If Dave did it we can too!
• I want to give you a process and a forum to begin discovering clarity! I’ve talked with enough of my colleagues and friends to know I’m not the only one wrestling with this need for clarification so I decided to throw the door open on this one and begin a conversation… one that begins with honest confession, assumes the confident belief that there is a purpose for everyone, and assertively moves forward and works through Dave’s eleven ideas!

Want to join me on this quest?

Earlier this week I had a few thoughts occur to me regarding life lessons I’ve learned at the gym. Yesterday we hit the first three: (Read the entire article here)

• You have to hurt before you can grow.
• Showing up is half the battle.
• I get stronger when I go with someone.

Let’s talk about the other three lessons…

Know the difference between good pain and bad pain… and stop when it’s bad.

Yesterday I said that pain always precedes growth. That’s true, but intelligent workout artists know the difference between good and bad pain! Good pain is something you press through. Bad pain is something you stop for.

Lots of people quit because it hurts… even if it’s good pain. They will never enjoy the other side of pain.

On the other hand, there are some people who don’t know when to quit, and they injure themselves as a result.

Just a couple of weeks ago I walked away from an exercise because I felt a bad pain. I knew that pressing through it would do significant harm.

It’s hard for me to tell you the difference, but my guess is that you have a pretty good sense.

Bill Hybels (a pastor and exercise buff) wrote an article a few years ago called “Reading Your Gauges” that is a most helpful article on this subject! He tells his story of pressing through the bad pain and hurting himself and shares the secret (learned through pain) of how to identify and avoid bad pain! You can read it here.

Stay close to people who are stronger than you are.

I love going to Brutal Iron Gym for a lot of reasons, one of which is the number of really strong guys training really hard. When I see them pushing and hear them grunting it inspires me to push and grunt too! I know it will lead to greater strength!

Intentionally being around stronger people helps me to visualize what it takes and what it will look like to be stronger!

Listen, if the people around you are weaker than you who is going to inspire and challenge you? There all going to be looking up to you… and in time you’ll notice that you’ve stopped growing!

In life, like the gym, I find that when I intentionally get around people who are smarter, richer, wiser, and have stronger faith than I do I leave inspired, challenged and often equipped to take the next step!

Ask lots of questions.

This is important! I learn a lot by observing and asking questions about new exercises, proper form, etc. Most of the time the people I ask aren’t offended and will even take time to explain (i.e. teach) me the secret of the exercise!

Asking questions requires humility. In essence you are saying, “I don’t know what you know. Will you teach me?” But humility leads to strength and favor.

Just this week while I was doing an exercise, I had a guy come up to me and offer me a tip. I implemented his idea and got seven extra repetitions. In other words, I worked my muscles harder so they will grow bigger because of his tip! Now here’s the thing… do you know why he came up to me and gave me that tip? Because I am always asking him questions! He understands that I want to know and learn and will not take offense at his offering me a suggestion (sometimes people in the gym, like in life, are not open to suggestions on form, etc.).

Whether you are in the gym, the classroom, the garage, or the grocery store… ask questions! You’ll be surprised what people will share with you and how much more you will grow as you listen and implement your new found knowledge!

Well there they are… the six lessons I’ve learned from the gym.

So, how about you? Do you exercise? What life lessons have you picked up from your exercise regimen?

Since last June I have been working out harder than I ever have. I have some great partners and the team at BIG is amazing! From giving pointers on diet to helping put together gut-wrenching workouts these guys are the best!

Yesterday while decimating my back I had a few thoughts that apply not only to the gym but to life in general. I’ll share three today and the rest tomorrow.

You have to hurt before you can grow.

In the gym it’s true. If you’re not hurting you’re not growing. When you work out hard you tear your muscles then you eat and rest while they recover, and as they recover they grow!

I’ve seen this in my own life. When there’s no pain, no stress, it is almost certain that I am getting pudgy. BUT when the pain comes… when the hard times come and I persevere there is always growth and maturity on the other side.

Just today as I was leaving the gym I was talking with one of the patrons there and we both agreed that we love the pain that comes after the workout… because we know it means something good is going to happen!

Don’t be afraid of pain in your life! Remember, pain always precedes growth.

Showing up is half the battle.

Oh this is big! Every once in a while I’ll have a day when I just don’t feel like going to the gym. I’m tired or busy and I just don’t feel like going. I usually go anyhow, and guess what happens on those days! More often than not I leave the gym tired and sweaty but deeply grateful that I went!

Look, there are going to be days and seasons in your life when you are just going to feel like staying home. Don’t. Even if you don’t have the best workout ever you still exercise your body and that’s worth something! You will become mentally and physically stronger just because you showed up!

What is it in your life that you need to show up to/for? Get up and get going! Just showing up is half the battle!

Want to know one of the best ways to assure you’ll show up even when you don’t feel like it? Have a partner!

I get stronger when I go with someone

When I work out with Pete or Dave, or when Rob gives me a spot I always move more weight than I could by myself! When my arms get tired they give me a little help and I can move that dumbbell one more time! And you know what that means? It means I’m going to get stronger!

Additionally, when Dave or Pete moves the weight six times I want to move it seven! Good healthy competition takes place when we’re all together!

One more thing! When I’m grunting and straining to complete my last rep and I hear my partner screaming and cheering for me it gives me that last little bit of “oomph” needed to complete the rep!

Accountability, assistance, competition, and encouragement! All four of these are gifts given to me by my workout partners and because of them I am getting stronger!

Gosh! I hope you go to the gym and take it seriously! I’ll talk about the other three lessons tomorrow!

I’m not a perfect dad. I get mad sometimes. I say stupid things with too loud of a voice sometimes. Sometimes I miss opportunities to show love to my ladies. I could go on and on… but again… you get the point.

One thing I do get right though is this… I date my daughters… five of them… every week (the sixth is 9 months old so we don’t do dates yet… but soon).

It’s amazing but somehow one date has the power to eliminate lots of goofs! It is such an important tool for parents that I want to reflect on it a little bit with you.

A few thoughts about dating your daughter (or son):

• It doesn’t take much. We budget $1 per date. One frosty from Wendy’s costs $1.08 (so I have to foot $.08 from my change jar). The library is free. So is the park… and a lot of other things. Sometimes I take them to the mall or the dollar store so they can buy something with their money.

• It doesn’t take long. We take one hour per week. It’s amazing how much can happen in one hour when you shut down your phone and focus on your daughter! Sometimes we cheat and go longer.

• It doesn’t seem like much today. It will be invaluable when they start dating a pick a husband. Someday some boy is going to come along and tell her she’s beautiful. She won’t be overwhelmed because she’s heard that a million times from me. Someday some boy is going to try to impress her… he’d better be good because I do things like open the doors for my ladies and teach them to expect that from the boys they date. In short, our dates are getting them ready to pick a man.

Dating your daughter (or your son) is so important that it’s worth telling other people and activities “No.” It’s worth putting on your calendar every week. It’s worth whatever it takes to make it happen!

Don’t let money or time or distorted perceptions rob you and your daughter (or son) of this incredible gift!

By the way, this was my date last Saturday! (We split a frosty and read a book about princesses… and giggled a LOT!)

I just read something that took my breath away… a story how the fear of failing again robbed Rob Wayne of $2.6 billion and incredible prestige!

Wayne was a friend who proved helpful in persuading Job’s partner and lead computer designer Steve Wozniak to leave HP and bring his designs with him to the newly formed Apple Corporation.

There was a meeting in which a partnership agreement was written up between the three of them, and that’s where we pick up the story…

…the division of shares and profits was clear—45%-45%-10%—and it was stipulated that any expenditures of more than $100 would require agreement of at least two of the partners. Also, the responsibilities were spelled out. “Wozniak shall assume both general and major responsibility for the conduct of Electrical Engineering; Jobs shall assume general responsibility for Electrical Engineering and Marketing, and Wayne shall assume major responsibility for Mechanical Engineering and Documentation.” Jobs signed in lowercase script, Wozniak in careful cursive, and Wayne in an illegible squiggle.

Wayne then got cold feet. As Jobs started planning to borrow and spend more money, he recalled the failure of his own company. He didn’t want to go through that again. Jobs and Wozniak had no personal assets, but Wayne (who worried about a global financial Armageddon) kept gold coins hidden in his mattress. Because they had structured Apple as a simple partnership rather than a corporation, the partners would be personally liable for the debts, and Wayne was afraid potential creditors would go after him. So he returned to the Santa Clara County office just eleven days later with a “statement of withdrawal” and an amendment to the partnership agreement.

“By virtue of a re-assessment of understandings by and between all parties,” it began, “Wayne shall hereinafter cease to function in the status of ‘Partner.’” It noted that in payment for his 10% of the company, he received $800, and shortly afterward $1,500 more. Had he stayed on and kept his 10% stake, at the end of 2010 it would have been worth approximately $2.6 billion. Instead he was then living alone in a small home in Pahrump, Nevada, where he played the penny slot machines and lived off his social security check. He later claimed he had no regrets. “I made the best decision for me at the time. Both of them were real whirlwinds, and I knew my stomach and it wasn’t ready for such a ride.”

He could have had $2.6 billion. Instead he lives alone in a small home in Nevada playing slot machines and living off of a social security check!

Why?

Because he was scared to fail again.

Please! Listen! If you’ve failed once… failed big… be careful that you don’t allow your fear of failing again to keep you from the biggest breakthrough of your life!

Betty (fake name) has a great plan for her money but a stingy heart. Unfortunately she won’t be able to enjoy her money as much as she could.

The man/woman with a generous heart and a strategic plan is the person who will have the most and do the most with it!

A good plan by itself is not enough. A good heart by itself is not enough. It takes both!

I’ve been reading “Thou Shall Prosper: Ten Commandments for Making Money“. Dave Ramsey recommends this book all the time.

Written by Rabbi Daniel Lapin, this is a  great book on business, and is also packed with wisdom on personal development, living life with joy, and leadership insights too! It is one of the best books I’ve read in a long time!

Reading a couple of days ago I came across this quote and I have to share it…

“…if who you are and what you do fail to bring the success you desire, it is not sufficient to merely do different things; you also need to become a different person. The best way (and perhaps the only way) to become a different person is by forcing yourself to do different things until they become second nature.”

Of course I believe that there is also and perhaps more fundamentally a divine power available to all who will ask that not only points us in the right direction but also gives us the power to move towards that which is good and right.

Having said that though, the decision to embrace new habits and make bold new decisions is a critical one in the process of evolution!

SO… what new action(s) are you going to take up this year as you become the 2o12 version of you?

I just watched this TED talk by Cameron Herald entitled “Let’s raise kids to be entrepreneurs”. This is amazing stuff!

A couple of my favorite takeaways:

• Stop paying your kids an allowance. Start teaching them to look for opportunities to earn.
• Stop reading stories to your kids every night… give them a chance to create stories of their own.
• The disease of CEO’s = “Bipolar disorder” (Steve Jobs, Ted Turner, Winston Churchill, etc.)
• His stories of entrepreneurship as a child are amazing… and doable for any child! They just need permission and urging from a wise parent!

The list goes on and on… this 20 minute talk is important and could change your child’s future! Check it out!