Today my friends Duane and Barb Scarborough are going to discuss effective discipline in the home.
And with no further ado… Duane and Barbara
It is vitally important for parents to be on the same page and put up a united front when it comes to discipline. The object of discipline is to help your child know what behavior is unacceptable. There is a standard of right and wrong. The Bible should be the basis for the major principles. To a certain degree what is considered acceptable behavior will vary by household depending on the standards of parents. There needs to be agreement between the parents on what those acceptable standards are for their home and how discipline will be carried out. When one parent disciplines a child the other should back them up and not contradict them. On rare occasions if the other parent has information that should change the course of discipline then the parents should discuss it and come to agreement. This can take place in the child’s hearing if it is done as an honest respectful discussion between the two without fighting and arguing. At times you may need to apologize to your child for actions you took or decisions you made because you didn’t properly understand a situation. They will respect your honestly with them and trust you more in the future to have their best interests at heart.
Discipline should be sufficient to get the child’s attention and create a change of mind, and the intention of the child about the action or attitude that brought on the discipline. The type of punishment or discipline it takes to accomplish that change of mind will be different for different children.
Don’t discipline when you are in a state of rage or desperation (out of control) or the resulting discipline may be too harsh and cause resentment and bitterness. Try to discipline before the situation escalates so far that you lose control of your emotions. When properly trained, kids know when they have been naughty and have a sense of what is fair though they may not admit it not at the time.
We tried to make sure we only disciplined acts of willful disobedience and not mistakes, accidents, ignorance, or purely because an action caused us embarrassment. After the discipline we also had our kids explain to us what they had done wrong and tell us they were sorry. That way we knew that they knew the reason for the punishment. This was followed by a hug and an “I love you” from mom or dad.
Control is essential. Parents should be in control of themselves as well as their kids. Establish your control and authority early in the child’s life. You don’t have to be harsh or cruel but firm and consistent. The objective is to have to discipline as little as possible. Kids don’t like to be nagged and won’t respond any better to it than we do. As much as possible try to let your child know what is acceptable behavior in a situation before they experience it.
Control and consistency have positive benefits:
- They let the child know what behavior is expected and appropriate
- The child knows what the risks are should they choose to disobey.
- Parents are not as likely to become exasperated at child’s behavior or failure to listen and act out of anger toward the child in a way they will regret. This is important because it could have two possible affects: 1) There is a possibility of harming the child, 2) It makes the child realize they can frazzle the parents enough so they will lose control-this gives the control to the child and may encourage them to seek attention in this way.
- The child will know what to expect and not live in fear of the unknown. How will mom and dad respond this time? This could cause the child to be stressed and guarded and not as likely to be comfortable enough to share problems, concerns, and hurts later in life.
- They allow all parties to relax and enjoy being together.
Tomorrow we’ll talk about creating an environment of love and acceptance in your home.
(Paul talking) Hey guys, what are you thinking about this stuff? Do you have any parenting best practices to share in the area of discipline?