Dr. Duane Scarborough and his lovely bride, Barbara, have been sharing some of their parenting best practices with us this week. Check them out and the comments on them… especially my friend Joey’s comment on the post about discipline (click here to read his comment).
OK, now let’s get back to my Duane and Barbara as they talk creating an environment of love and acceptance.
Love and acceptance is essential. Like the rest of us, love and acceptance are a child’s greatest desire and they do almost anything to get it. If it is given clearly, often, and with easy access, the child is more likely to be compliant, try to please, and not have to act out to get attention. After all, any attention is better than no attention. Children don’t constantly need to be given things, but they do need you. The quality of the time spent with the child, i.e. being tuned into what the child is doing and saying may be more important than the quantity. However, it is hard to have quality time unless there has been enough quantity for you and your child to know and be comfortable with each other. The greater the quantity of quality time you have with your child the more valuable memories you will both have.
Affirm good behavior, decisions, actions, and the value of the child as a person. Let them know they are important to you and loved and nothing will change that. Appropriate touch and hugs are important to show acceptance and love. Don’t degrade or ridicule them or their other parent in front of others.
If there is a question about some activity or situation encourage them to talk to you about it. Listen to what they are saying and the motivation behind it. On the other hand don’t worship or idolize your child thinking they can do no wrong. Have realistic expectations of them. Likely getting everything they want immediately will cause them to not appreciate what they have or what it took to get it.
They don’t need a lot of things as much as they need your affection, affirmation, attention, and acknowledgment.
(Paul talking here) Tomorrow the Scarboroughs will talk about developing rules in the home and on Friday they’ll wrap it up with some final thoughts.
What are you thinking about these posts? Do you agree? Disagree? Let me know.
One thought on “Parenting best practices (Part 3): Love and acceptance”
I’m loving these. I finally have a minute to read through them. My daughter’s school tries to catch the kids doing the right things according to their “character counts” program and its really going well. We’ve done that at our house hoping that if we can focus more on what they’re doing well, they will put more effort into continuing that behavior than trying not to do the opposite.
Spending time is crucial. They’ll talk to me if I sit quietly. Interesting thoughts in these kids brains.