She’s worth fighting for

Last Sunday I asked our church “What were you doing at 3 a.m. this morning?” I proceeded to share with them that Sherri and I were awake at that time… praying. Before you begin to think, “Wow! What a spiritual giant!” Let me tell you what we were praying about. We were praying for our marriage.

The last month or so has been brutal in our home. Nothing in particular, but everything in general. There have been multiple opportunities to attack one another and we have taken advantage of every one… at least it seems like it. (The descriptive phrase used by psychologists to describe both Sherri’s and my personality type is “jungle fighter”.).

I shared this with our church for three reasons:

  1. I know that there are other couples in our church that are struggling right now and I wanted them to know that they are not alone.
  2. I want Church180 to be a place where honesty is a cultural norm and it will be if I set the pace.
  3. I want our church to know that it’s okay to have tough times but that they don’t have to be the end of the road!

After sharing this, I spent time praying out loud for my marriage and all of the marriages in our church.

Last night was date night for Sherri and me. Before we left we had gut-wrenchingly honest conversation.

I left the conversation in deep thought and came to this conclusion, there are a few things in life that I would fight to the death for:

  • God.
  • My wife.
  • My children.
  • My country.

I would take a bullet for any of these four.

And then I thought, I don’t have to take a bullet for any of these four right now. What I do need to do though is fight! I need to fight for my marriage! I need to fight for my wife.

I got a shower and got dressed up nice. I quickly ran across town and purchased a dozen roses. I pulled up into our driveway and walked my date to the car where I told her, “I suppose there are a few things in this life that are worth fighting for… and you are one of them.” Then I opened her door, gave her the roses, and we left for the evening.

We talked… and talked… and talked… we even cried a little bit throughout the course of the evening. We settled in on this…

When we were first married we did romantic, “lovey” things because we felt romantic and “lovey.” Over time, with the addition of multiple children and weightier responsibilities we “lost that loving feeling” and therefore were not so quick to do the “lovey” things anymore. In short, we have fallen into a rut.

How do we get out of that rut?

We have to do things that we don’t feel like doing (e.g. “lovey” things) and over time the feelings will come back! You know why? Because feelings follow behaviors!

People have been asking “How are you guys doing?” The answer is “just fine.” We are working hard and fighting for our marriage! We want a great marriage because it honors God, is a whole lot more fun for both of us, is an example to our children, and is an example to our church!

Everyone hits “tough spots” in their marriage, but not everyone fights through them! In my opinion, marriage is one of a few things worth fighting for… and so I will fight for mine! I will fight by doing things that I don’t necessarily feel like doing. I will do them until I feel like doing them!

This works! How do I know? Because we have done it before!

Do the right thing even when you don’t feel like doing it and in time you will do the right thing because you feel like doing it!

Here we go! Join me! Let’s fight for our marriages!

8 thoughts on “She’s worth fighting for

  1. Thanks for your honesty–it will assist you in winning the fight for your marriage and your family. We wil continue to pray for ya’ll. Most of us who are a little older have already walked the path before you, and find there is great reward for sticking to it. My instruction from God was “you are not called to manage, change, or manipulate her; you are commanded to love her just as Christ loved the church.” Until I’ve “laid down my life” for her, I still am compelled to keep on loving. May God double bless you this week.

  2. Hi Paul and Sherri:
    Thanks for sharing from your “gut” about your marriage on line and at your church…..it will give others hope that they too can work through the “droughts” in their marriages and we all have them.
    As our marriage group prepares to facilitate the Leman series at a seminar at Northgate we continually pray for every marriage that will be represented there as we know there are some that are in difficult times right now and need some hope.
    Keep on fighting….marriage is so worth it. Love, Howie and Sue

  3. Well said Paul. Thanks for sharing from the real side of life. It’s easy to allow life and ministry to crowd into our marriages. It’s easy to get into a rut.. God often needs to remind me that my wife is His gift and provision for me. How precious she is. He gave me one of his children…a daughter of the King. To walk with me. Wow! How blessed we are. They are truly worth fighting for.

  4. I believe C S Lewis said the same thing: do the right thing and feelings will follow. Divorce is a lot more costly than roses. Thank you pastor for doing the “right thing.”

  5. The wise man who performed our wedding ceremony said “(Husband), you have to lay down your life for her, and (Wife), you have to live your life for him.”

    No truer words have ever been spoken.

  6. I will fight for my husband. I once said that if I had to fight to keep my husband then he wasn’t worth keeping but I was wrong. Thankful to God for helping to do the right thing when the wrong thing would have seemed so easy! Thanks for following God, Sherri and Paul.

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