Henry Cloud and John Townsend, in their book, Boundaries, say, “When
you are as free to say no to a request as you are to say yes, you are well on
the way to boundary maturity.”
Yesterday at Church180, we spent some time exploring these two words and identified four times you should say “NO” and not feel guilty and three times you should say “YES” and absolutely feel good about it!
I’m going to spend the next three days on this blog writing about “yes” and “no.” Today and tomorrow we’ll talk about “No”. Wednesday we’ll talk about “Yes.” I’d love to hear from you about this topic! Let me know what you’re thinking and how you’ve seen “yes” and “no” set you free… or bind you up!
#1 You should say “NO” to temptation and/or someone tempting you, and you should not feel bad about it!
I’ve noticed this, too frequently we’d sooner ruin our future than hurt someone’s feelings… or offend a “friend.”
Listen, if someone is tempting you to move away from your values, make a decision that will prove harmful, or do something you’re uncomfortable with… say “NO!” If they can’t handle your “No” they’re probably not your friend anyhow.
#2 You should say “NO” and not feel bad about it if saying “YES” enables someone to continue living irresponsibly.
“Short-tempered people must pay their own penalty. If you rescue them once, you will have to do it again.” (Proverbs 19:19 NLT)
Imagine if we replaced the words “short-tempered” with “irresponsible.” The verse would look like this: “Irresponsible people must pay their own penalty. If you rescue them once, you will have to do it again.”
Hey, if you’re saying yes to irresponsible people… you’re not helping them! You’re enabling them… and they’re never going to change! You have the right and responsibility to say “NO!” and you should say it if saying “YES” allows people to ruin their lives!
Many times we say things like, “I just want to help him.” Here’s the question you have to ask yourself… Is your helping helping? Is she getting better because you are “helping” or is her behavior the same as it was last year? Is he changing because of your “help” or are things getting worse?
If your helping isn’t helping then you’re not helping… you’re enabling.
Alrighty then… we’ll pick this up tomorrow. In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you!