In an easy-to-read format, Richard dissects trust, tells how to gain it, keep it, and use it to lead well, help others, and leave something behind when you’re gone. (click on the picture of the book to see it on Amazon).

POWER POINTS

• The “Trust Protocol” = Aligning what you say and do so that people will trust you.

 

• Hebrews 10:24 “Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.” While this sounds simple, it may be the most difficult thing in the world to do. It guarantees “difficulty, hurt, heartache, disappointment, misunderstanding, restlessness, doubt, uncertainty, trauma, drama, and anger. It is most difficult where it is most crucial – with the people closest to you.“

 

• “I love you, but I will fire you.” Mac’s friend and employer said this to him when Mac was not living up to his full potential. He was coasting and his boss called it. Then his boss said this, “I can’t keep paying you just because you’re a good guy. You’ve got too much talent, and we’ve got too much to do for me to let you get by without producing something and being a contributor around here. You’ve got great potential, but from now on, potential is profanity for you. All it means is that you haven’t done anything yet.”

 

• “Relationships are unavoidable. Relationships of integrity are invincible.”

 

• True character is revealed through success. “When we win, do we worship God or congratulate ourselves?”

 

• “No one moves away from godly community and healthy connectedness and becomes more like Jesus.”

 

• “Never spend a minute of time defending your motives. Spend hours testing them against Scripture, in prayer, and with godly counsel, but don’t worry about defending them. With friends you don’t need to, and your enemies won’t believe you.”

 

• Trust is built on two tracks: character and competence.

 

• “Mishonesty” – not quite “dishonesty” but still deliberately misleading.

 

• “Betrayal is part of the cost of leadership and being part of the human race.” General Tommy Franks answered Mac’s question about betrayal like this, “There’s only been one perfect leader in this world. And I am not him. And he experienced betrayal at a level I cannot imagine. If he would be betrayed, who am I to think it shouldn’t or wouldn’t happen to me?”

 

• “The only person who can betray us is someone we’ve chosen to trust who has chosen to break that trust. […] Whenever we choose to trust, we run the risk of betrayal.” 

 

• “If you trust, if you love, if you lead, you will be betrayed.”

 

• How to address betrayal? Forgiveness. This does not require “re-trusting” but it does mean that we release any bitterness, contempt, disdain, and desire for revenge… “regardless of whether or not they acknowledge the wrong.”

 

• “Don’t stay hurt too long.” We can’t control WHEN we are hurt, but we can, to a large extent, determine HOW LONG we will stay hurt.

 

• The better your work and the more responsible your decisions, the more autonomy you will be granted. However, if your work is sloppy and your decisions are irresponsible, you will be micromanaged. 

 

• “We have to be able to do relationships well if we’re going to do anything of value and substance over time.”

 

• Some people argue that “transparency is the currency of trust.” That certainly is part of the Trust Protocol, but Richard argues that “most of our relationships are not built to sustain the weight of transparency. And we should not expect them to be. What we should expect is authenticity.” In other words, everyone doesn’t need to know everything, but everyone does deserve truth. The guiding principle: “authentic with everyone, transparent with a precious few.”

 

• “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18 NLT). “All I can do” is all I can do… it turns out that “all I can do” is quite a lot! 

 

• Unaddressed problems don’t go away… they get bigger and messier.

 

• Often we avoid confrontation and difficult conversations because we imagine what the other person is going to say and how they will respond. In light of our hypothetical conversation we determine not to have the conversation… consequently things get worse. Bottom line… no matter what, we have to try.

 

• “It is not enough that we do our best; sometimes we must do what is required.” Winston Churchill

 

• “Fatigue makes cowards of us all” Vince Lombardi. A weary person is much less likely to address conflict… and consequently breaks the Trust Protocol.

 

• The best teachers, coaches, etc. in our lives have PUSHED US! But… we allowed them to push us because we TRUSTED them. We knew they loved us and were doing it for our good.

 

• “If you care, you push, you challenge, you critique. If you don’t care, you let things slide. You ignore or disregard or overlook.”

 

• Accountability is only as effective as the amount of trust we have in the person holding us accountable. If we trust them we will be honest and reveal what is true even when painful or embarrassing. If we do not trust them, we will hold back the “ugly stuff” and do just enough accountability to check the box.

 

• “Should I trust before or after I’ve seen evidence that someone is trustworthy based on their actions?” When you choose to trust, in most instances, trust will be reciprocated. However, there will be times when you get burned… betrayed…. Live with that awareness, choose to trust, and remember “you are not entitled to integrity from other people.”

 

• “How many can you do when you’re tired?” A question posed to Mac by his Crossfit coach when he was doing pushups after a fatiguing workout. Ask this question when you’re tired and your child wants to cuddle… when you’re tired and tempted… when you’re ready to bail on your dream…

 

• Community… we want it, we need it, we seek it… but we also want to be comfortable and easy… and “therein lies the rub.” Healthy community will push us, make us uncomfortable, call us out of our comfort zone! “To truly connect relationally requires a willingness to dig in and hang on.”

 

• “I’ve never seen anyone, any family, move away from the church and get better.”

 

• “No team or organization will ever out-trust its leadership.”

 

• “Staying power is perhaps the most beautiful and most powerful payoff of the Trust Protocol. It’s not the power to stay. It’s the power that comes from staying. It’s the power that’s cultivated when we choose to stay – in a marriage, a job, a church, a friendship – and is only realized and experienced after the staying has occurred.

 

• “Perseverance may be the most critical life skill we parents ever teach our kids.”

 

• Our job as parents is to “prepare our kids for the path, and not the path for our kids.”

 

• “Are you competent and do you care?” The two questions Soldiers are quietly asking of officers (according to General Robert Caslen)