How to spend time with your kids

double-date-copy-2I am a busy guy. I’d bet a dollar you’re busy too.

I’m a husband to one lady and a dad to six ladies!

I am a full time pastor and a part-time personal trainer.

There are always things to do, and I make a valiant effort to get them done.

What I have learned though is that things will wait, but people won’t.

The project I’m working on will be there tomorrow… my ladies may not. If I am not available to them, they will go to places and people that are. I have a responsibility to invest into their lives… and they’re not going to wait, so I need to invest time into them now! And the same is true for you and your kids.

Because we’re so busy, how do we systematically make time to invest into our kids?

I have written about this before, but it’s worth mentioning again…

I date my daughters. Every one. Every week. (the picture I shared is of a rare double date… it was just too cute not to share!)

Right now I am not able to spend as much time on dates as I used to, but every week each girl gets a 30 minute date. Here’s how that looks:

  • Monday: 3-3:30 Ashton; 4-4:30 Lexington.
  • Tuesday: no dates
  • Wednesday: 3-3:30 Karis; 4-4:30 Reagan
  • Thursday: 3-3:30 – Riley; 4-4:30 Dallas
  • Friday night – Family night
  • Saturday – 6:30 – 9ish a.m. – The First Lady (The lovely and talented Mrs. Peterson)

These dates are not expensive; for the girls we budget $1 per date (Sherri and I spend $12 on our date). In fact, the last year or so the girls and I rarely even spend our $1! We purchased a key chain from Wendy’s that is worth one Junior Frosty every time you present it! So, for a one time purchase of $1, I get six Frosty’s a week.

What can you do with $1 and 30 minutes? Check this out:

  • Eat a Frosty and play Memory
  • Eat a Frosty and play Truth or Dare
  • Eat a Frosty and ride through the country singing songs as loud as you can
  • Eat a Frosty and tell stories
  • Skip the Frosty and go to Family Dollar to spend the $1 that is budgeted
  • Eat a Frosty and play basketball in the driveway (no one else is allowed to play with us when we are on a date)
  • Eat a Frosty and read a book together
  • Completely blow the budget and go to Wal-Mart to buy Shopkins. (Frosty is optional on this one)

I really don’t buy the excuse that says “I don’t have time/money to date my kids”. I call “baloney” on that. You can do it. Will you?

There’s another way too…

I call it “Filling in the cracks.”

My mornings start early (4 a.m.), and I usually train clients at the gym from 5-7 p.m. So both morning and evenings are full. Because I start so early, I try to be in bed by 9 p.m. There is not a lot of time for extras right now so I’ve been taking advantage of two “cracks” of time I have with “the ladies”

  • 7:30- 8 a.m. I play basketball with the middle school girls (or get a makeup tutorial from one of them) while Sherri takes the elementary school girls to school. When they leave for school I head up to my office and get to work.
  • 3:30-4 p.m. I play with the elementary school girls while Sherri is picking up the middle school girls from school. When they get home I go on my second date of the day and then head out to the gym for my evening clients.

The point is that there are “cracks” in your day when you have access to your kids! Fill those cracks! Play a game. Listen to their stories. Enter their world for a few minutes. You’ll be surprised at the treasure you will find in those cracks!

So there’s two ways to find more time with your kids:

  • Schedule a weekly date
  • Fill in the cracks

I know we’re all busy… but someday we won’t be, and when that day comes I do not want to look back with regret because I didn’t spend time with my kids.

How about you? What are some ways that you make time to spend with your kiddos?

Making space

chaotic_craftroom(DISCLAIMER: this is not a room in my house. Mrs. Peterson would skewer me if I ever posted a picture like this of a room in our house… if such a room existed. 🙂 )

We just started  a new teaching series at church called “Making Space.”

As I’ve been thinking about this series and in preparation for it, Sherri and I have been working on something for the last few months… a little project that literally makes space in our home.

We’ve been getting rid of stuff! Trip after trip to Goodwill… we’re making space!

We started doing this after we started reading some books (The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, etc.)

We realized that all the stuff we had took space in our home, our minds, our calendar, our budget, and our lives… so we’ve started downsizing!

I never knew how freeing it was to get rid of stuff! Stuff like the clothes we never wore, the books we never read, the toys we never played with, the games we never utilized, and on and on and on…

All around us is stuff we never use that just takes up space.

Now that we’re getting rid of it, we spend less time organizing stuff we never use and cleaning clutter we rarely pay attention to… and it is freeing us to spend time on the things and with the people we love!

I’m no home-cleaning guru but I’m telling you what, making space in our closets, garage, and rooms is doing more than cleaning out physical spaces… it’s also cleaning up spiritual and mental space!

Have you ever stopped to wonder how much energy (spiritual, emotional, etc.) is consumed by the “stuff” you have in your space? Based on my experience, and the wisdom gleaned from the experiences of others, it’s a lot more than you might realize!

If you’re thinking about making space in your life, I would encourage you to start with the physical and see what flows out of that!

Maybe it’s time for a trip to Goodwill!

If there is a God… why does he allow evil things to happen?

exhausted.jpg

I hear this question a lot. I’ve even wrestled with the “why God?” question myself.

This morning, while reading St. James I had a thought about this matter.

Let me show you what I read and then I’ll share the thought:

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. (James 1:2-4 NLT)

So here’s what I thought…

When we ask the “Why does God let this happen?” question we make one or more assumptions:

  1. This life/world is all there is.
  2. I’m as good as I can get.

Let’s break them down.

This life/world is all there is.

The “why God” question works if this life and this world is it… beginning and end. “Why would you let my one shot at life be this awful?” is a fair question if this is all there is.

However, Christians, and other faiths, believe that this life/world is NOT all there is! There is something after this life: experiences to be had, relationships to be enjoyed, and rewards to be received. The opposite of these is true as well. In short, the Scriptures teach us that there is more after this life.

Christians live our lives in this world with the hope that this is NOT all there is! There is more, and that faith helps us navigate suffering, evil, and death. While we grieve and feel pain we are never without hope… because we know there is more.

The pain, suffering, and evil in this world is in direct correlation to the abuse of our free will (but that is a subject for another day). The good news is that regardless of what it looks like here, there is another place… another set of experiences waiting to be had… and that knowledge gives us hope.
This optimism allows us to fully enjoy the good times and courageously navigate the hard times in this world.
And now the second assumption, the one that was highlighted in St. James letter…

I’m as good as I can get.

St. James teaches us that suffering and hard times make us stronger. Anyone who goes to the gym understands this. In fact, we’ve immortalized this idea with a slogan: “No pain, no gain!”

Once again, we see that what is true in the gym is also true in life! Pain makes us stronger… at least it has the potential too if we navigate it well.

For those who say “Why God?” may I suggest that this pain may in fact be your path to a better you? Pain is the flashing light on the dashboard of our lives that finally gets our attention!

C.S. Lewis famously said:

“We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

As I was processing these thoughts this morning I spent some time journaling and ended with this note:

Suffering, pain, and even evil may actually be the doorway through which we pass into eternal life or a better life.

So, I think that both of these assumptions are wrong: this life/world is all there is, and/or  I am as good as I can be.

I believe, on the other hand that…

This life/world is NOT the end for us. There is something else… so an end here is the first step into there.

I am NOT as good as I can be. I need to get better… and then do it again which means I will need pain and suffering… often delivered in the hands of evil.

If you are in that place… suffering… St. James tells us what to do in the sentences immediately proceeding his instruction on suffering. He writes:

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do. (James 1:5-8 NLT)

I hope you’re not suffering, but if you are I hope you give some thought to these two ideas, and then shoot me a note. I’d love to hear from you!

When you’re the best man in the room… go to another room.

gym-etiquette_2101068c1This morning I had a conversation with someone about the value of setting goals.

This person is trying to figure out what goals to set. For all intents and purposes this person is doing well: physically attractive, financially set, intellectually sharp, relationally fulfilled. What else could someone want? Right?

We talked for a while and I began to ask some questions… questions that have me thinking and might be helpful for you to process as well:

  • What happens when you’re the strongest person in the gym?
  • What happens when you’re smartest person in the room?
  • What happens when you’re the best… or at least better than those around you?

Not always, but often, you will begin to stagnate. You will be tempted to settle… because you’re already at the top (as least as far as you can tell).

You may be tempted to pride… after all, you’re stronger, smarter, richer, prettier, funnier, etc. than the rest of your friends so what else is there to do but keep doing what got you there?!

That’s a dangerous place to be!

John Maxwell teaches a principle that goes something like this:

If you’re always the biggest guy in the room, you’re in the wrong room.

I’ve found that when I am surrounded by people who are better than I am, it makes me want to be better! It makes me think deeper, dream bigger, work harder, and stick with it longer!

The gym where I train is filled with strong people! Heck, the women in our gym are stronger than the men in most gyms! There are multiple men who are deadlifting over 600 pounds and squatting well over 500 pounds. Benching 300 pounds at our gym won’t even get you on the “strongest lifters in the gym” board.

In most gyms I’d be considered a pretty strong dude. In Brutal Iron Gym, when I do a heavy lift my buddies look at me and say, “Are you done warming up yet?” (Then they celebrate my lift… because that’s how we roll at BIG).

I like that… I like it because it drives me to work harder and be better!

Being surrounded by people who are better than I am makes me want to be better… and it shows me HOW to be better!

The same is true in every other area of life:

  • I want to be a great husband… so I need to spend time around awesome husbands.
  • I want to handle my money well… so I need to spend time around people who handle their money well.
  • I want to represent Jesus well… so I need to hang out around people who live out their faith consistently and well.
  • I want to be a great dad…
  • I want to be a great leader…
  • I want to be a great communicator…

You get the point.

If you want to be better you can’t always be the best in the room! You’ve got to put yourself in environments where you are surrounded by people who are better than you.

Now here’s an important caveat:

This is not a call for us to self-denigrate! This is not the time to begin private messaging yourself saying “You’re no good” or “You’re never going to be that good”… etc. NOPE! This is the time and place to be inspired… to ask questions… to take notes… to see how those better than you are performing so that you can perform that way too!

So, if you’re not sure what goals to set or how to get unstuck… get around people who are better than you! I think you might just like what happens when you’re not the best person in the room!

Why pastors don’t always preach

 

preacher in a seat

This past weekend I didn’t preach at the church I love!

I LOVE to preach, but I don’t always preach.

Sometimes people wonder why preachers don’t preach every Sunday. They may even wonder what they do when they’re not preaching. Those are fair questions.

Here are the reasons I don’t preach every Sunday:

Family Vacation.

Every preacher/pastor should do this… I mean completely disconnect and pay attention only to your family. (BTW, many business owners would do well to do this too.)

Pastors spend their lives concerned with the lives of other people… that is their calling, and they should do that. However, it is not for no reason that we see pastor’s kids turning rebellious and hating the church. In many cases, it is because their parent (usually the father) paid more attention to the people in the church than he did the people in his family.

At our church, we tell our pastors, “If you’re not leading your home well, you are not qualified to lead our church… so make sure your home is in order.” This comes straight from St. Paul.

Pastor/leader, your family regularly needs to be the focus of your attention without having to compete with phone calls and emails asking for your time and energy elsewhere. Make sure you do it while there is time.

The church needs to hear from other teachers.

If you’re a parent you know this… you can tell your kids something over and over and over… then someone else comes along and says the same thing and your kids go “OH!!! I get it!”

Pastors are responsible to teach and model for the church what God calls us to in the Scripture. They/we do our best, but sometimes a fresh voice with new insight is just what is needed for the church to have that “OH! I get it” moment.

Some pastors hesitate to bring in guest speakers because they are afraid that the speaker might be better than they are! Listen, if you’re that bad people aren’t going to come week after week to listen to you. Besides that, you and I are not the best preachers out there. There’s always someone who is funnier, smarter, more passionate, and more experienced… and the people of your church are probably already listening to them on iTunes!

If you don’t take a break because you’re scared that your replacement might be a better teacher than you then you need to take some time off and do a heart check!

Not preaching gives me time to prepare to preach better sermons.

Carey Nieuwhof is a pastor, thinker, and writer who writes often about current trends in the church. In a recent article he addressed this matter of preachers preaching less. He wrote:

a growing number of preachers are realizing that preparing 52 excellent Sunday messages is increasingly difficult. Personally I’ve cut back from writing 70 messages a year a decade ago to about 35 a year today.

The result? I’m a much better communicator.

What’s creating all this change?

Simple. It’s the wide availability of digital options.

A decade ago, people who attended your church only really ever listened to you. Now they can hear anyone for free.  And they do.

As a result, the local pastor is often being listened to alongside today’s best communicators, and local pastors are opting for quality over quantity.

At some point, quantity and quality compete. And in today’s digital landscape, innovative leaders are opting for quality.

I’ve found that when I teach less, I teach better. Cranking out new material every week is something I love, and I find that when I take a break I am more passionate, clear, and thoughtful when I teach.

Finally…

Pastors do more than preach.

Just because you don’t see your pastor on Sunday doesn’t mean he’s not working! Meetings, weddings, funerals, study, planning, praying, thinking… all of that happens during the week.

Just because he’s not there on Sunday does not mean he/she didn’t put in a full week!

BTW, people who joke that “preachers only work one day a week”… I know they’re trying to be funny, but they don’t understand what St. Paul wrote:

“I have the daily burden of my concern for all the churches. Who is weak without my feeling that weakness? Who is led astray, and I do not burn with anger?” (2 Corinthians 11:28-29)

Pastors go to sleep with the people of their church on their mind… and they often wake up with those same people and situations on their mind… praying for them, thinking about them, wondering how they can help….

So what do preachers do when they’re not in church?

I can’t answer for every preacher but I do one of four things:

I visit another church.

Every preacher should do this! We forget what it’s like to visit a church for the first time. We forget what it’s like to be in a place where no one knows your name.

If we want new people to come and feel welcome in our church, then we need to know what it feels like to be a stranger in a church!

I take time to learn something new.

Sometimes a conference runs into a weekend and it requires that the pastor be gone on Sunday.

I speak at another church or conference.

Most pastors have an allotted number of weekends for speaking opportunities outside of their local church.

I do what you do sometimes… sleep in and chill out for the whole day.

Yep. That happens sometimes too!

So that’s why pastors aren’t teaching every Sunday and some insight into what they might be doing.

If you’re a pastor, what would you add to this list?

Making Space

Making Space1

Are you tired? Are you too busy to take a break? Are you so busy that you don’t have time to enjoy your life? Are you stressed out? Do you have unchecked action items on your to-do list at the end of every day? Are you living with no space… no margin in your life?

Richard Swenson wrote a book called Margin that every busy person should read. Seriously!

Swenson says “margin is the amount allowed beyond that which is needed.” Do you have that? A little more time than is needed? A little more money than is needed? A little more strength than is needed? Most of us live so that we need more… never enough… always catching up.

Swenson writes:

Many people commit to a 120% life and wonder why the burden feels so heavy. It is rare to see a life prescheduled to only 80%, leaving a margin for responding to the unexpected that God sends our way.”

Starting on 9/11/16 we are doing a teaching series at Church180 called “Making Space.” We are going to tackle this problem head on. The truth is that most of us live with no margin… no space. Consequently we enjoy God, family, friends, and fulfilling work much less than we could. There are answers. They are simple. Simple, but not necessarily easy.

This series will require each of us to take a hard look at the vision for our lives, our habits, and the daily decisions we make that lead us to a life with no space. We can change this!

I’m excited and convicted as I prepare for this series. I know I have changes that I’m making and I hope you will join me either at church or online as we explore this matter and learn how to “Make Space.”

 

Ten things I love about Church180

I am a deeply fulfilled man. I am a pastor and a personal trainer (in addition to my other roles of man, husband, father). I absolutely love what I get to do every day.

I often tell people that “I love our church!” Today I thought it would be cool to list out some reasons why I love Church180. Here are the top ten things, in no particular order, that I love about our church:i-love-my-church---header

We don’t fake it.

I can’t stand the “Sunday morning best” that we’ve all heard about and pulled off. We put on our “Sunday morning clothes” and “Sunday morning face” and go be fake for an hour… then we get home and back to our “Monday morning self”… which looks totally different.

I love that at Church180 you can be real. No faking allowed. Of course some people still fake it… but that’s only because they haven’t realized yet that only when we quit faking will we discover the truth that God has for us and the love of the church!

There is little to no gossip.

We say this frequently from the stage, “If you are gossiping… please stop. If you cannot stop… please leave.” We mean that too. We want people to be honest about themselves. If I am honest and you start gossiping… I’ll probably not be honest with you again… and that destroys everything we are trying to create.

I rarely hear of gossip as a problem at our church… and I love that!

We aren’t scared to make changes.

From service times to leadership transitions… from stage design to building layouts… things are always changing around here. There is minimal complaint which is another reason I love this church!

People laugh a lot around here.

I can’t recall a Sunday when there wasn’t the sound of laughter ringing through the halls. Time can slip by quickly and if you’re not careful you’ll realize that “it’s been a while since I’ve laughed.” I think it’s hard to show up several weeks in a row at our church without having a laugh sneak out! I love our church for that!

People respond well to tough teaching from Scripture.

We’ve had some tough conversations over the years I’ve been here. You can look back over the series here. We’ve talked about race, sexuality, money, relationships, faith and science, etc.

People respond well to these teachings. Tough questions are asked and solid answers are sought after, and that’s another reason I love our church.

We are realizing our goal of increasing diversity (racial and generational being the two biggies).

From day one we’ve said, “We want to be a place where Sunday looks like Monday.” We’re working hard to make that a reality…and it is coming true. It is becoming common to see different ages and races worshipping together… and that is another reason I love our church!

We honor those who have gone before us while we learn from those who are coming behind us.

We know that our faith has been passed to us by “those who have gone before.” They have taught us and modeled it for us. We honor and love them. We know, however, that if the faith is to be passed to the next generation we must present it (without changing it) in a culturally relevant way… so we are continually listening to the next generation and working to present the Scriptures and our faith in a way that engages them. That’s another reason I love our church.

People are maturing in their relationship with Jesus.

This really is the most important work of the church. It is happening. Men are assuming spiritual leadership in their homes. Women are stepping up and pursuing God-given dreams. I love this! People are embracing spiritual disciplines and maturing in their faith… and I love this about our church.

We are willing to work through problems.

When two or more people get together at some point there will be misunderstandings… arguments… frustrations… etc. We expect that. BUT we also expect that Christians will work through not run from problems! I see that happen at our church… and I’m in love with that part of our church.

I can wear my Converse sneakers!

This sounds shallow… but it’s not. At our church you can come in a suit or t-shirt and shorts. It really comes back around to this… we love it when you are you. Max Lucado wrote something that I have never forgot, “God loves you just like you are, but refuses to leave you that way.” At our church we want people to be real and experience love. We also want them to grow in that love… but that only happens when they choose to be honest first. So… wear your Converse to church! #bereal

There are other things that I love about our church too, but these are some of my favorite.

How about you? What do you love about your church?